God Calls it Quits

“It’s been a great run, but it’s time to let go.” God told a bewildered Anderson Cooper in a wide ranging CNN interview.   The Creator did clarify two biblical subjects. “First, there is no heaven. So folks don’t need to waste their time trying to get there. Second, and most importantly, Jesus is not my son. Even had my cheek swabbed to make sure.”

Religious communities were left unprepared for the projected precipitous drop in attendance once the direct line of communication to the Almighty is severed.  Millions of religious leaders of all faiths are now seeking vocational retraining prior to the expected elimination of their current positions.

When Cooper asked about what he’d do in retirement, God paused a minute and said, “Chair yoga, maybe mahjong for starters. And I’ve always wanted to take up pickleball.”

God reminded viewers that Saturday, November 14th will be the last day he will entertain prayers.