Bryce Canyon National Park Exposed

During heated Congressional testimony, John Belfast, the Superintendent of Bryce Canyon National Park admitted that virtually the entire valley at the center of the park is made from paper mâché.  The real history of Bryce Canyon has been held closely so that publicity wouldn’t discourage tourists from visiting the park.  

The past caught up to Bryce Canyon when rock climbers in the valley found that they could not secure new anchors on Devil’s Tower, a popular rock-climbing destination and observed that the composition of Devil’s Tower seemed to be just congealed newspaper strips.

Mr. Belfast said that most of the valley was just an empty chasm with a few uninteresting hoodoos when it was discovered in the 1800s. During the Depression, the park service hired out-of-work artists to use paper mâché to create a large variety of hoodoos and rock walls to encourage tourism. The mammoth undertaking was completed in 1933 after three years of round the clock work. Over time most of the artists drifted away along with the park’s history.  

Mr. Belfast also testified that the entire story of pioneer Ebeneezer Bryce was fabricated to cover for the actual story of Bryce Canyon.  “We had one of our park rangers take a few photos of a colleague, then used web based editing software to give it the “old timey” look for the appearance of authenticity. Then made up some plaques and a few books and no one knew the difference.”

Today, most of the repair work of the constantly eroding paper mâché hoodoos is performed by grade school children in Utah using Park Service provided 3-D forms as part of their art classes. If the children make their quota for quantity and quality, they become Junior Rangers with all the associated rights and privileges associated with the Junior Ranger program.  The fabrications are placed in the park and painted to match the surrounding area during the off season.  Special epoxy paint is now used to paint the repairs so minimize future degradtion of the structures. 

Mr. Belfast defended the park saying, “Using school children to make these components is cost efficient and fun for the participants.  And as far as the artrists, there is an endless supply of unemployed artists that will work for minimum wage without benefits.”

When asked about the famous hoodoos – Thor’s Hammer and Queen Victoria, Mr. Belfast acknowledged to the Congressional committee that yes, these figures were completely fabricated to increase tourism and that they contain not one grain of Navajo Sandstone.

After the congressional hearings were completed, the park service was approached by the senior Senator from New Hampshire.  She expressed an interest in using this technology to remake the Old Man in the Mountain. That iconic stone face collapsed in the winter of 2003 and with it, millions of tourist dollars.

For more information regarding artist employment opportunities, contact the national park service through their website: https://www.nps.gov/